Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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