sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
