So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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