I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
