allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
two words: eviction party
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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