He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
