I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
