he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
