Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
