just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
