idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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