but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i dont even know how to be here
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
