I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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