I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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