I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
