they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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