I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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