I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
