Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
