Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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