the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
