When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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