My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.