So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
