if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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