He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
