i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
