Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
