So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
