wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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