dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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