idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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