That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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