I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
high people should be assigned attendants
This house was built for laser tag.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
