I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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