Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
