My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
