I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
