At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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