I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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