so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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