It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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