Plan B is the new Plan A
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
