I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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