Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
