Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
