you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
