why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You need Xanax blowdarts
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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