Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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