At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
