I love black thongs
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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