i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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