I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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