first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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