That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
