am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
