Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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