Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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