She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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