I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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