The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
