Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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