I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Randomize
