We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
