He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
