I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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