cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
