dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
