I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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