Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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