either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
