Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
