Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
