Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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