all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
