Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
