Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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