Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
