This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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