quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
